So I finally told my Mum that Super Boy and I were no longer dating. I know, I know, it’s been a few months since it happened, but I needed to prepare myself for the rapid fire questions that were coming my way. I needed to be able to fire back some answers without hesitation or breaking down in tears. I’ll admit it: this break-up with Super Boy hurt.
But I’m okay now and life goes on. And that’s not what I want to talk about anyway. You see, my Mum and I were talking and it inevitably led to where I thought it would — my status as a single woman and how it should be remedied. Because, you know, ‘singleness’ is a disease that needs to be cured.
Sarcasm aside, I know my Mum means well. It’s just that her and I don’t share the same idea on how life’s path is to be trodden. She wants to see me find a partner and spawn some kids, whereas I don’t think it’s all that important or necessary. She may have had a mild panic attack when I told her that I might not even get married. It’s fine by me, but society can be so judgy (which is interesting, considering the rate of divorce these days).
So my Mum tells me that I need to get out more or that I should switch to another team to meet new people. She says she wants me to be happy, and she wants me to be looked after. “But I am happy, and I can look after myself,” I tell her. I don’t think she believes me so I try to explain that I’m an independent person, and if I can survive living in London on my own for two years then I can surely manage the rest of my life. My Mum still doesn’t look convinced.
Usually, stuff like this doesn’t phase me. I’m a solitary person and I enjoy the freedom of flying solo. I know it’s not for everyone, but it suits me and my personality. However, occasionally, someone will make a comment about how I should be doing more, and I begin to doubt myself.
‘Maybe I should be going out more, seeing more and doing more,’ I start thinking to myself. So I start comparing myself to others, which is never a good idea to begin with. The internet is full of amazing people doing amazing things and it makes me wonder, ‘what am I doing with my life?’ Then I start feeling that I should do what these amazing people are doing. I spend days dwelling on this, going over in my mind all the things I could be doing or should be doing, but am not. And that gets me down.
It’s easy to say “don’t compare yourself to others” or “go along to the beat of your own drum”, but it’s much harder to follow. I manage to most days, I think. But there are days where I wonder if I’m doing enough. It can be hard to ignore what other people are doing and what they think you should be doing, but I know it’s not worth trying to mould myself to be like someone else. What brings happiness to others won’t necessarily bring happiness to me. I need to remind myself of that. And I hope my Mum can one day understand.